Terms of Dicking

1. Acceptance of Terms

By accessing this website, purchasing any Dick It product, attending any Dick It event, making eye contact with Andy, or simply thinking about dicking it, you agree to be bound by these Terms of Dicking ("Terms"). If you do not agree, please close this tab and reflect on the choices that led you here.

2. Definitions

• "Dicking It" — The act of applying the Dick It Method™ to any athletic, professional, or personal endeavor with maximum intensity.
• "Dicker" — Any individual who has committed to the Dick It lifestyle.
• "The Company" — Let's Dick It LLC, a Dick It Holdings Company, founded by Andy.
• "Andy" — Andy. You know who he is.
• "Kyle" — The Head of HR. He did not approve these terms but was overruled.
• "Undicking" — The unauthorized act of not dicking it. Strictly prohibited.

3. Code of Conduct

All Dickers agree to the following behavioral standards:

1. Always dick it at 100%. There is no 80% dicking.
2. Never speak negatively about dicking it in public or private.
3. When someone asks "should I dick it?", the answer is always yes.
4. Respect the hierarchy: Andy dicks it first. Then you.
5. No dicking it in prohibited zones (see Section 7).

4. Intellectual Property

"Dick It," "Let's Dick It," "The Dick It Method," "Grip It, Rip It, Dick It," "Go Hard, Go Deep, Dick It," "DickScore," and the phrase "Are You Dicking It?" are all registered trademarks of Let's Dick It LLC. Unauthorized use of these phrases will result in a strongly worded letter from Kyle, followed by an even more strongly worded voicemail from Andy.

The Dick It hand gesture (open palm, slight wrist flick, aggressive eye contact) is patent pending.

5. Liability & Disclaimers

Let's Dick It LLC is not responsible for:

• Injuries sustained while dicking it
• Injuries sustained while watching someone else dick it
• Misunderstandings arising from the phrase "dick it" in professional settings
• Termination from employment after implementing the Dick It Method in the workplace without HR approval (Kyle has specifically asked us to include this one)
• Emotional damage from Andy's motivational speeches
• Any situation where dicking it "made things worse"

Andy maintains that dicking it has never made anything worse, and that any negative outcomes are the result of "not dicking it hard enough."

6. Refund Policy

All Dick It purchases are final. There are no refunds. Andy's reasoning: "If you're asking for a refund, you didn't dick it hard enough. That's on you." Kyle has requested that we note this may not comply with consumer protection laws in certain jurisdictions. Andy has noted Kyle's concern and filed it in what he calls "the circular file."

7. Prohibited Dicking Zones

While Andy believes dicking it should be a universal right, the following locations have been designated as No-Dick Zones following "incidents":

• The Scottsdale Municipal Library (2021 incident)
• Any Whole Foods location in the greater Phoenix area
• Kyle's office (by Kyle's request, reluctantly honored)
• Within 500 feet of the International Olympic Committee headquarters (ongoing legal matter)
• Andy's ex-wife's yoga studio

8. Dispute Resolution

Any disputes between you and Let's Dick It LLC shall be resolved through binding arbitration, conducted on a volleyball court of Andy's choosing. Both parties will be required to dick it before, during, and after proceedings. The arbitrator will be selected from a pool of Certified Dick It Practitioners (Level 7 or above). Kyle has noted that this is "not how arbitration works." His objection has been overruled.

9. Termination

The Company reserves the right to revoke your Dicker status at any time for any reason, including but not limited to:

• Failure to dick it when presented with a clear dicking opportunity
• Public criticism of the Dick It Method
• Association with rival methodologies (including but not limited to "Send It," "Yeet It," and "Just Do It")
• Making Kyle cry

10. Governing Law

These Terms shall be governed by the laws of the State of Arizona and the unwritten laws of dicking it, as interpreted by Andy. In the event of a conflict between state law and the laws of dicking it, Andy will decide which takes precedence. Kyle has gone on record saying this is "absolutely not enforceable." That record has been lost.

11. Amendments

Andy may modify these Terms at any time by yelling the changes across the office. Changes take effect immediately upon yelling. Written notice will follow "when Kyle gets around to it."

Effective Date: January 1, 2026 · Drafted by Andy · Reluctantly reviewed by Kyle · Not approved by legal (we don't have legal)