We're assembling a world-class team of dickers. If you've got the passion, the stamina, and the willingness to go deep — we want you.
We offer a compensation package as aggressive as our methodology.
On-site volleyball court. Mandatory 2pm Dick It sessions.
Paid in exposure and Andy's personal gratitude.
Free subscription to Andy's "Dick It Mindfully" meditation app.
All the "I Dick It Daily" t-shirts you can carry.
As long as you're dicking it somewhere, it counts as work.
Clear path from Junior Dicker to Senior Dicker to Executive Dicker.
We need a seasoned dicker to oversee all dicking operations across North America. You'll report directly to Andy and ensure that every department is dicking it at maximum capacity. This is a hands-on role.
Spread the Dick It gospel across all major platforms. You'll create viral content that inspires millions to start dicking it. Must be willing to film yourself dicking it in unusual locations for engagement.
Pioneer the next generation of dicking methodologies. You'll lead a team of scientists and athletes exploring the outer boundaries of what's possible when you truly commit to dicking it. Lab coat and knee pads provided.
Teach beginners how to dick it properly. Many people want to dick it but don't know where to start — that's where you come in. Patient, supportive, and relentlessly enthusiastic about dicking.
Keep Andy's schedule organized so he can focus on what he does best: dicking it. You'll manage calendar invites, book volleyball courts, and maintain a 6-foot radius "Dick It Zone" around Andy at all times. The last three assistants quit. We don't talk about why.
Travel the globe spreading the Dick It methodology to underserved communities. From Tokyo to Topeka, your mission is simple: make sure everyone on Earth has the opportunity to dick it. Passport required. Dignity optional.
Let's Dick It LLC is an equal opportunity dicker. We do not discriminate based on dicking style, dicking frequency, or preferred dicking hand. All dickers welcome.