I'm going to say something controversial. Something the sports establishment doesn't want you to hear. Something that got me permanently banned from the National Volleyball Coaches Association annual conference (twice — they lifted the first ban and then I earned a second one). Here it is:
"Your coach is afraid of the Dick It Method because it works too well, and it makes their traditional coaching look obsolete." — Andy
There. I said it. Let me explain.
The Coaching Industrial Complex
Think about it. Your coach spent years — maybe decades — learning "fundamentals" and "proper technique" and "sportsmanship." They went to coaching clinics. They got certifications. They read books by other coaches who also don't dick it. They've built their entire identity around a system that does not include dicking it.
Now along comes Andy — a visionary, an innovator, a man who was once described by ESPN as "not someone we would ever feature" — with a method that makes everything they know irrelevant. Of course they're threatened. I would be too, if I were them. But I'm not. Because I'm Andy, and I dick it.
The "Safety" Excuse
The number one thing coaches say when they see someone dicking it is: "That doesn't look safe." Really, Coach? You know what's not safe? Living your entire life without dicking it. That's a spiritual safety hazard that no helmet can protect you from.
Yes, dicking it is intense. Yes, I've sustained injuries. I've pulled muscles I didn't know I had. I once dislocated something during a particularly aggressive dicking session that the ER doctor said she "had never seen before in her career." But you know what? I was back on the court in three weeks, dicking it harder than ever. Pain is temporary. Dicking it is forever.
Kyle wanted me to include a disclaimer here that "dicking it can result in injury and readers should consult a physician before beginning any dicking program." Fine. There it is. Now back to the article.
"It's Not A Real Methodology"
I've heard this one a thousand times. "Dick It isn't a real methodology, Andy. It's just a catchphrase." Oh, really? Then explain the numbers. Over 14 million dicks worldwide. A growing community of certified dickers spanning six continents (we're still working on Antarctica, but I've got leads). Three self-published books, all of which have sold "several copies" according to my publisher.
Is the Dick It Method peer-reviewed? No. Has it been endorsed by any recognized sports science institution? Also no. Has any accredited university agreed to study it? They have not. But does it work? Ask the 14 million people who have dicked it. Actually, don't ask them — just look at their faces. You can tell a dicker by their face. There's a glow. Kyle says the glow is "probably just sweat," but Kyle doesn't dick it, so what does he know.
The Real Reason: Control
Here's the truth that coaches won't admit: dicking it gives power back to the athlete. Traditional coaching is about control. "Run this drill." "Follow this play." "Stop doing that, you're going to hurt someone." It's oppressive, if you think about it. And I have thought about it. A lot. Mostly during the mandatory sessions with the sports psychologist that Kyle set up.
The Dick It Method says: forget the playbook. Forget the drills. Forget everything your coach told you, and just... dick it. Trust your instincts. Trust your body. Trust Andy. When you dick it, you're not following orders. You're following your heart. And your heart wants to dick it. I know this because I've asked hundreds of people if their heart wants to dick it, and they all said yes. (Some said no initially, but they came around.)
Coaches Who Have Seen The Light
Not all coaches are anti-dicking. I've converted a few over the years. Coach Thompson — you may remember him from our testimonials page — was a skeptic until he attended one of my weekend seminars. He walked in rolling his eyes. He walked out rolling his ankles, because we dicked it so hard that he could barely stand. But he was a believer.
There's also a high school volleyball coach in Tucson who started incorporating Dick It principles into her practice schedule. Her team's record went from 8-12 to 7-13, but she says the "vibe is completely different" and that the team "has never been more enthusiastic." That's what dicking it does. It may not improve your win-loss record, but it will absolutely improve your attitude. And attitude is at least 40% of sports. I don't have a source for that number, but it feels right.
What To Do If Your Coach Says "Don't Dick It"
Look, I'm not going to tell you to disobey your coach. Kyle has explicitly asked me not to encourage insubordination, and I technically agreed in a meeting that I wasn't fully paying attention in. So officially, I'm not saying that.
What I am saying is: your coach can't control what you do on your own time. You've got 16 waking hours a day. Your coach has you for maybe two of those. That's 14 hours of unsupervised dicking potential. Use them wisely. Dick it in the morning before practice. Dick it after practice. Dick it during lunch. Dick it in your dreams — I do, and I wake up refreshed every time.
"They laughed at Edison. They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at me when I presented the Dick It Method at the Scottsdale Rec League annual meeting. History will show who was right." — Andy
The Future Is Dicking
Coaches who refuse to embrace the Dick It Method will be left behind. It's not a matter of if, but when. In ten years, every serious athletic program will have a Director of Dicking on staff. Every sports science lab will have a Dicking Research Division. Every athlete will warm up with the three-step Dick It sequence: Grip It. Rip It. Dick It.
I know this because I can see the future. Not literally — Kyle made me stop saying that after the lawsuit — but metaphorically. The future of sports is dicking it, and no coach can stop what's coming.
So to every coach who has ever told an athlete "don't dick it": with all due respect, you're wrong. And deep down, you know you're wrong. One day, you'll try dicking it yourself, and everything will change. I'll be here when you're ready.
I'll be dicking it.