Dicking it alone is powerful. Dicking it with a partner? Transformative. I've been saying for years that partner dicking is the ultimate expression of trust, coordination, and mutual commitment to going hard. My ex-wife disagreed, which is why she's my ex-wife. But for those of you in healthy relationships where both parties are willing to dick it together, this guide is for you.
Finding The Right Partner
Not everyone is cut out for partner dicking. You need someone who matches your energy, your intensity, and your willingness to look ridiculous in public. I once tried to dick it with a guy from my recreational league who clearly wasn't ready. He kept stopping to "catch his breath" and "drink water." Water breaks are the enemy of momentum. We parted ways amicably, but I'll never respect him.
The ideal dicking partner should:
Be at least a Level 3 Certified Dicker. Be willing to practice at odd hours. Not be easily embarrassed. Own at least two pieces of Dick It merchandise. And most importantly, they should want to dick it as badly as you do. If there's an enthusiasm gap, it won't work. Trust me.
Communication Is Key
Before you dick it with anyone, you need to have "the talk." Not that talk. The dicking talk. Sit down, look each other in the eye, and establish ground rules. How hard are you going to dick it? How long? What positions will you use? (I'm referring to court positions — setter, hitter, libero, etc. What were you thinking?)
Kyle has asked me to clarify that "positions" in this context refers exclusively to volleyball formations. He has also asked that I stop writing these blog posts without running them by him first. I have respectfully declined.
Syncing Your Dick It Rhythms
Every dicker has a natural rhythm. Some people like to start slow and build to a climax of dicking intensity. Others prefer to go all-out from the first second. Neither is wrong, but if you and your partner aren't in sync, the whole session falls apart.
I recommend starting with the "Mirror Dick" exercise. Stand facing your partner and simply mirror each other's movements. Match their energy. Match their speed. Match their intensity. After about ten minutes, you'll find that your dicking rhythms naturally synchronize. It's beautiful, honestly. I've cried watching two people sync-dick for the first time.
Dealing With Jealousy
Here's something nobody talks about: dicking jealousy. It happens. Your partner dicks it harder than you one day, and suddenly you're in your head. "Am I even a good dicker? Are they going to find a better dicking partner?" These thoughts are natural but destructive.
Remember: partner dicking isn't a competition. It's a collaboration. When your partner dicks it harder than you, that should inspire you, not intimidate you. Lift each other up. Celebrate each other's dicking achievements. And if you're really struggling, book a couples dicking session with me. I offer a 15% discount for pairs.
When Partner Dicking Goes Wrong
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a partner dicking session goes sideways. Maybe one of you isn't feeling it. Maybe you pull a hamstring. Maybe a neighbor calls the police because they misunderstood what was happening (this has occurred). When things go wrong, the most important thing is to debrief.
Sit down together and ask: What went well? What could we improve? Did we dick it to our fullest potential? This post-dick debrief is essential for long-term partner dicking success. I recommend keeping a shared dicking journal for this purpose. Kyle says a "dicking journal" is "absolutely something HR should know about." He's been noted.
"A couple that dicks it together, sticks together. That's not just a saying — it's a statistical fact that I made up but fully believe." — Andy
Partner dicking has the power to strengthen relationships, build trust, and create memories that will last a lifetime. So grab your partner, grab a volleyball, and start dicking it together. Your relationship will thank you. Probably.