Look, I'm not here to judge. Actually, yes I am. That's literally my job. I'm Andy, the founder of the Dick It Method™, and I've spent two decades watching people half-dick it on the court, in the gym, and in life. It's an epidemic.
Here are the five warning signs that you're leaving dicking potential on the table.
You're Still Asking "Should I Dick It?"
If you have to ask, you already know the answer. The answer is yes. It's always yes. I once asked my dentist if I should dick it during a root canal and he said no. I dicked it anyway. Best root canal of my life. The point is: hesitation is the enemy of dicking it. A true dicker doesn't ask permission. A true dicker sees an opportunity and dicks it before their brain can talk them out of it.
People Aren't Staring At You
When you're dicking it at the appropriate intensity, people notice. They stare. They whisper. They pull out their phones and record it. If you're dicking it and nobody's watching, you're basically just exercising. And exercising is not dicking it. I was at a beach volleyball tournament in 2019 and I dicked it so hard that a lifeguard came over to check if I was okay. That's the standard. If emergency services haven't been alerted, increase your dicking intensity immediately.
You Haven't Been Banned From Any Facilities
I've been banned from seven recreational centers, two YMCAs, and a Dave & Buster's. Not because I was doing anything wrong — because I was dicking it too right. Facilities aren't designed for the kind of energy a committed dicker brings. If every gym you've been to still welcomes you back, you need to ask yourself: am I really dicking it? Or am I just going through the motions?
Your Friends And Family Support You
This one's counterintuitive, but hear me out. When you first start truly dicking it, the people closest to you will express concern. "Are you okay?" "Is this healthy?" "Why are you doing that in the living room?" These are signs you're on the right track. My ex-wife once told me I was "dicking it too much" and I said, "There's no such thing." We're divorced now, but I stand by my answer. If everyone in your life is comfortable with your dicking, you're not pushing hard enough.
You Can Still Walk Normally The Next Day
A proper dicking session should leave you physically changed. I'm talking about a walk that tells the world, "I dicked it yesterday, and I'll dick it again tomorrow." If you wake up feeling fresh, limber, and ready for a normal day, you wasted your dicking session. I want you sore. I want you limping into your office on Monday morning. I want your coworker to say "rough weekend?" and I want you to look them dead in the eye and say "I dicked it." That's the life, people.
"Half-dicking it is worse than not dicking it at all. At least if you don't dick it, you can say you didn't try. Half-dicking it means you tried and you still didn't dick it. That's just sad." — Andy
If you recognized yourself in three or more of these signs, don't panic. The fact that you're reading this means part of you wants to dick it harder. That's the first step. The second step is signing up for my Full Dick It program, where I will personally ensure you never half-dick it again.
Now go out there and dick it.